Neurologist Appointment Tomorrow

So for the last week I've had my head in a good place, I convinced myself that these tingling sensations that I am feeling is due to nerve compression of the L5/S1 area so knowing that its something quite simple as that has bade me feel at ease, however today I have had more muscle spasms today which has caused me greater concern and because of this my anxiety has hit the roof.

Tomorrow is the neurology appointment, I'm glad to be finally seeing someone for my nerve issues but am scared of being diagnosed with something really bad. Most people with health anxiety believe each time that they get some new illness that this illness will be the one to kill them off, I truly believe that right now and I hope that I'm wrong. At present I am catastrophizing and painting images in my head of the diagnosis from the doctor to me with me sitting in a small room in a hospital with my head in my hands thinking about my little girl & my partner and that her daddy wont be around to see he grow up, just typing this up is making me quite tearful, oh please god please don't let this be anything bad, I love my family so much. I really need to get a grip on this anxiety, I cant keep letting it dictate my life.

Im off again now to wallow in my self pity

David

Prickly, Tingley MS, ALS, Neuropathy

I'm Dying..................Again!

I was going great for 2 weeks, exercising twice a day every day then all of a sudden I got the tingles, that then threw me out of control. My legs tingle, my back tingles and it's driving me mad, I can't help of thinking of all the bad things it can be and that my death will leave my daughter without a father, that thought alone is very distressing.

So today I've been mostly googling my symptoms, looking at ALS in detail but not looking at the symptoms. I've googled my neurologist to check her qualifications and tried looking for a email address for her or the department to see if a cancellation had been made so I could get in there earlier.

Yesterday I phoned my doctor and made an emergency appointment which I got but when I saw him he told me there was nothing he could do until I've seen the neurologist which put me down a bit.

My symptoms are weird but move around quite a bit, I get tingling and fasciculations (Muscle Spasms) which is why I've been worried about ALS, however I do know that ALS is extremely rare and doesn't present itself like this but it doesn't stop me from worrying, why do i do this to myself

Drugs:

I read today others who have had the same neurological symptoms but it turned out to be anxiety, it's so hard to imagine these symptoms are coming from my head, they are real symptoms by releasing chemicals from my anxious behavior in my brain but I need to stop these ASAP and am thinking of taking my amitriptyline again or another anti depressant. Funny thing though is I don't feel depressed, I feel fine apart from these symptoms but I cant turn my crazy brain off.

Next steps

No googling

Take some tablets to help the situation

Eat well

Exercise

Anxiety Shakes

Is this really anxiety?

So I'm sitting here at 7:18pm on 25th of August after speaking to my doctor about a symptom of inner shakes, I was sitting in the waiting room pretty calm then I seemed to have a meltdown when trying to explain my symptoms to him. The one thing I know about anxiety is how weird it makes you feel.

So this is just a draft but I want to get down how I feel, I feel very emotional, I could cry at any point but I can't I have to remain strong I have to because I'm David and David it the happy confident one.

We can all see the outside but not the inside, I need support, I need love but that also brings on more emotional feelings, the feeling of loss that one day soon something's gonna get me and rip away my world, my partner & my beautiful daughter who really loves her daddy and he daddy really loves her.

I am an emotional wreck,  even just typing this I'm welling up thinking about the loss that is just a pure part of imagination. So let's talk about the feelings of anxiety, the tricky little bastard that turns many normal feelings into ones of death and destruction.

So I've just seen my doctor who thinks these feelings are anxiety, my doctors who has spent 20 years learning and practicing his profession yet me with zero medical qualifications thinks he is wrong, it can't just be anxiety, why do I think this? Because I've googled my symptoms and am sure it's  some deadly disease ? He must have made a mistake, I forgot to tell him something, if I had told him that it would have given him more information, oh no, I'll have to write a letter to tell him or go back down there now, these are all illogical thoughts.

iPhones, instant internet , doctor google are all tools that can be misused by people, especially anxiety sufferers. One thing I do know is I doubt I will truly rid this awful disease but I must learn to deal with it.

End

Its 7:28 & 20 minutes ago I was in the middle of a anxiety episode, 10 minutes later after writing I feel more relaxed, symptoms have decreased and I feel better.

Christmas Day 2015

Christmas Day Comment 2015

Well it's Christmas Day and the day started quite well, only a minimal about of pain from my side which has kept my hypo under control but just as the day was going ok I had a few bouts of pain that sent my mind rushing and thinking the worst again.

First Post

So  who am I? I'm a normal chap in my late 30s with a wife (near enough) and a beautiful daughter of 18 months old, I live in a little postcard cottage in the middle of a beautiful Kentish village & have a good job. My name is David.

My life on papers seems very nice & plesent but inside I have a monster that churns and churns with my emotions which can take a perfectly healthy man down to an emotional wreck in a matter of minutes, this diseased monster is called Hypochondria or Health Anxiety as they call it now. I don't really know when it started or why I became so worried about things all the time but what I do know is it is effecting my life and I really want to take that control back.

So why am I scared of getting an incurable illness? Bottom line, because I do not want to die, dying is my biggest fear & although my day will eventually come I try to block out those feelings. I don't know if I'm the traditional type of hypo or I'm more of a logical hypo the reason I say this is because it takes a good few weeks of illness before I start to get worried where as I expect others to worry from the start. I have had every illness known to man, headache is a brain tumour, tonsil infection is cancer, abdominal pain is stomach or pancreatic cancer, a tingle in the legs is MS, I could go on but you get what I'm saying. 

So over the years how many of these incurable illnesses have I actually been diagnosed with......The answer is zero, how many did I think I definitely had at the time.......every one but I'm still here and still fighting for sanity.

So why a blog David? Well for two reasons, so I can keep a track of all the "supposed" illnesses I have got so I can look back in time and see how ridiculous I am & to try to help and connect with others with the same problems.

Nice meeting you all. 

it's currently Christmas Eve 2015 and I'm dealing with a case of Pancreatic cancer or IBS or Chronic pancreatitis or stomach ulcers or something else unknown that I haven't already researched. I have a pain in the left side of my body under the left rib, 4 doctors have told me they think it's muscular but my head thinks different, I've had blood tests, chest X-ray, blood pressure checks, ECG, as well as a doctors one or one with me but I still get worried, I'm an idiot I know but hey that's just the illness, I'll let you know how I get on with this one when it eventually comes to an end when the pain subsides.

David