So for the last week I've had my head in a good place, I convinced myself that these tingling sensations that I am feeling is due to nerve compression of the L5/S1 area so knowing that its something quite simple as that has bade me feel at ease, however today I have had more muscle spasms today which has caused me greater concern and because of this my anxiety has hit the roof.
Tomorrow is the neurology appointment, I'm glad to be finally seeing someone for my nerve issues but am scared of being diagnosed with something really bad. Most people with health anxiety believe each time that they get some new illness that this illness will be the one to kill them off, I truly believe that right now and I hope that I'm wrong. At present I am catastrophizing and painting images in my head of the diagnosis from the doctor to me with me sitting in a small room in a hospital with my head in my hands thinking about my little girl & my partner and that her daddy wont be around to see he grow up, just typing this up is making me quite tearful, oh please god please don't let this be anything bad, I love my family so much. I really need to get a grip on this anxiety, I cant keep letting it dictate my life.
Im off again now to wallow in my self pity
David
Monday, 30 October 2017
Friday, 20 October 2017
Prickly, Tingley MS, ALS, Neuropathy
I'm Dying..................Again!
I was going great for 2 weeks, exercising twice a day every day then all of a sudden I got the tingles, that then threw me out of control. My legs tingle, my back tingles and it's driving me mad, I can't help of thinking of all the bad things it can be and that my death will leave my daughter without a father, that thought alone is very distressing.
I was going great for 2 weeks, exercising twice a day every day then all of a sudden I got the tingles, that then threw me out of control. My legs tingle, my back tingles and it's driving me mad, I can't help of thinking of all the bad things it can be and that my death will leave my daughter without a father, that thought alone is very distressing.
So today I've been mostly googling my symptoms, looking at ALS in detail but not looking at the symptoms. I've googled my neurologist to check her qualifications and tried looking for a email address for her or the department to see if a cancellation had been made so I could get in there earlier.
Yesterday I phoned my doctor and made an emergency appointment which I got but when I saw him he told me there was nothing he could do until I've seen the neurologist which put me down a bit.
My symptoms are weird but move around quite a bit, I get tingling and fasciculations (Muscle Spasms) which is why I've been worried about ALS, however I do know that ALS is extremely rare and doesn't present itself like this but it doesn't stop me from worrying, why do i do this to myself
Drugs:
I read today others who have had the same neurological symptoms but it turned out to be anxiety, it's so hard to imagine these symptoms are coming from my head, they are real symptoms by releasing chemicals from my anxious behavior in my brain but I need to stop these ASAP and am thinking of taking my amitriptyline again or another anti depressant. Funny thing though is I don't feel depressed, I feel fine apart from these symptoms but I cant turn my crazy brain off.
I read today others who have had the same neurological symptoms but it turned out to be anxiety, it's so hard to imagine these symptoms are coming from my head, they are real symptoms by releasing chemicals from my anxious behavior in my brain but I need to stop these ASAP and am thinking of taking my amitriptyline again or another anti depressant. Funny thing though is I don't feel depressed, I feel fine apart from these symptoms but I cant turn my crazy brain off.
Next steps
No googling
Take some tablets to help the situation
Eat well
Exercise
Anxiety Shakes
Is this really anxiety?
So I'm sitting here at 7:18pm on 25th of August after speaking to my doctor about a symptom of inner shakes, I was sitting in the waiting room pretty calm then I seemed to have a meltdown when trying to explain my symptoms to him. The one thing I know about anxiety is how weird it makes you feel.
So this is just a draft but I want to get down how I feel, I feel very emotional, I could cry at any point but I can't I have to remain strong I have to because I'm David and David it the happy confident one.
We can all see the outside but not the inside, I need support, I need love but that also brings on more emotional feelings, the feeling of loss that one day soon something's gonna get me and rip away my world, my partner & my beautiful daughter who really loves her daddy and he daddy really loves her.
I am an emotional wreck, even just typing this I'm welling up thinking about the loss that is just a pure part of imagination. So let's talk about the feelings of anxiety, the tricky little bastard that turns many normal feelings into ones of death and destruction.
So I've just seen my doctor who thinks these feelings are anxiety, my doctors who has spent 20 years learning and practicing his profession yet me with zero medical qualifications thinks he is wrong, it can't just be anxiety, why do I think this? Because I've googled my symptoms and am sure it's some deadly disease ? He must have made a mistake, I forgot to tell him something, if I had told him that it would have given him more information, oh no, I'll have to write a letter to tell him or go back down there now, these are all illogical thoughts.
iPhones, instant internet , doctor google are all tools that can be misused by people, especially anxiety sufferers. One thing I do know is I doubt I will truly rid this awful disease but I must learn to deal with it.
End
Its 7:28 & 20 minutes ago I was in the middle of a anxiety episode, 10 minutes later after writing I feel more relaxed, symptoms have decreased and I feel better.
So I'm sitting here at 7:18pm on 25th of August after speaking to my doctor about a symptom of inner shakes, I was sitting in the waiting room pretty calm then I seemed to have a meltdown when trying to explain my symptoms to him. The one thing I know about anxiety is how weird it makes you feel.
So this is just a draft but I want to get down how I feel, I feel very emotional, I could cry at any point but I can't I have to remain strong I have to because I'm David and David it the happy confident one.
We can all see the outside but not the inside, I need support, I need love but that also brings on more emotional feelings, the feeling of loss that one day soon something's gonna get me and rip away my world, my partner & my beautiful daughter who really loves her daddy and he daddy really loves her.
I am an emotional wreck, even just typing this I'm welling up thinking about the loss that is just a pure part of imagination. So let's talk about the feelings of anxiety, the tricky little bastard that turns many normal feelings into ones of death and destruction.
So I've just seen my doctor who thinks these feelings are anxiety, my doctors who has spent 20 years learning and practicing his profession yet me with zero medical qualifications thinks he is wrong, it can't just be anxiety, why do I think this? Because I've googled my symptoms and am sure it's some deadly disease ? He must have made a mistake, I forgot to tell him something, if I had told him that it would have given him more information, oh no, I'll have to write a letter to tell him or go back down there now, these are all illogical thoughts.
iPhones, instant internet , doctor google are all tools that can be misused by people, especially anxiety sufferers. One thing I do know is I doubt I will truly rid this awful disease but I must learn to deal with it.
End
Its 7:28 & 20 minutes ago I was in the middle of a anxiety episode, 10 minutes later after writing I feel more relaxed, symptoms have decreased and I feel better.
Christmas Day 2015
Christmas Day Comment 2015
Well it's Christmas Day and the day started quite well, only a minimal about of pain from my side which has kept my hypo under control but just as the day was going ok I had a few bouts of pain that sent my mind rushing and thinking the worst again.
Well it's Christmas Day and the day started quite well, only a minimal about of pain from my side which has kept my hypo under control but just as the day was going ok I had a few bouts of pain that sent my mind rushing and thinking the worst again.
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